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Women and online dating
If you managed all three in the one night, and a kebab on the way home, you knew it was serious.
Today’s rules are a little more user-friendly – but some of them may surprise you. Many profiles on dating websites start with statements like: “I’m no good at this kind of thing”. If you put yourself down, you won’t sound attractively self-effacing. The aim of the online dating game is to catch the eye of someone you have lots in common with.
You do this by being original and, above all, specific about your interests.
It is a mistake, I’ve learned too late, to make public declarations about things like giving up midweek wine drinking or not joining any more gyms during the month of January or never getting an au pair. After too many recent juggling-related mishaps, I have come to the realisation that the only thing for it – for this life of unpredictable work schedules and frequently travelling second parents and childminders spread into the far corners of the county and small people frequently stricken with winter viruses – is an au pair. Too inclined to say the opposite of what we mean, I declared in these very pages with the luxury of one whose childcare arrangements were, at the time, relatively straightforward.
I set up a profile on some au pair matching websites, with my own smug warning ringing in my ears. We are a people more comfortable in servitude than being served. Here I am, one year on, redecorating before the au pair arrives.
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Forget that stuff about playing hard to get, expecting the man to pay, and never having sex on a first date. “I cook a mean paella and I’ll always try to make you laugh” is good, but “I have a fantastic job and no-one can understand why I’m single” is not.The top 1% of guys get more than 16% of all likes on the app, compared to just over 11% for the top 1% of women.(Unlike swipe-based Tinder, Hinge is based on a system of “liking” some particular aspect of a person’s profile.)The reason for this gender disparity is probably not that women are more appearance-focused than men.There was only standing in draughty hallways with freezing fingers fumbling to get coins into payphone slots. I’ve crafted a profile that tries to make me sound warm yet in control; likeable yet direct; the kind of person who wouldn’t say “Sit down there while I make you a cup of tea” when she really means “Look at you sitting there Snapchatting all day and not a child in the house washed.” Then I enlisted the services of two of the wisest people I know to help me go through the applications.The benefit of this was that lying to yourself was so much easier. “Not her,” said the nearly-10-year-old immediately, as I examined the photo of a friendly-looking Brazilian. “’I have just enough freckles and I’m never without red lipstick’,” he read aloud. “She doesn’t say anything about liking children.” Her?Specific information does more than make you sound interesting – it also gives potential dates something to write to you about.“I asked my friend to describe me, and here’s what he wrote…” is a cop-out.Instead of saying that you like sunsets, mention the best sunset you’ve ever seen.Say which music you like, and your favourite place to see your friends.That’s not winning, my husband, returned from his travels, said. .action_button.action_button:active.action_button:hover.action_button:focus.action_button:hover.action_button:focus .count.action_button:hover .count.action_button:focus .count:before.action_button:hover .count:before.u-margin-top--lg.u-margin-left--sm.u-flex.u-flex-auto.u-flex-none.bullet.