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Older gay men and dating

You are mature; you have wisdom; life experience; and a lot to offer. Make time for the things that enhance your self-care, whatever they may be, and for God’s sake, stop working so hard.Make your self-talk more positive with activities that bolster your confidence. And if you don’t want to be in a relationship after all? We are gay, after all; we have already broken the boundaries of heterocentric social expectations (in plain English: social norms of living like straight people), so if you are more comfortable as a single person, good for you. Follow the basic recommendations for straight Boomers/Seniors: Some of these apply to us, and let’s start with safe sex.

Of course, these are all generalizations, so there’s no need to write me to point that out.

What you can point out, though, is what you’ve observed in the younger man vs older man dynamic that I’ve missed.

But you can’t lie, especially on the Internet, where lying seems to be the of communicating.

Tell the truth about yourself (age, weight, SES, whatever) — you know that whomever you are interested in is going to find out the truth sooner or later.

In the past few years, the CDC has reported an alarming increase in new HIV infections in gay men over 50 — an age cohort that has survived the initial wave of the health crisis. My theory is that so many of us older guys feel invisible, or just generally bad about ourselves, that we are willing to accept any kind of sexual attention, even if it is unsafe — especially if we have had too much to drink. You know the rules of safe sex by now, and if you don’t, there is another blog on this site that will spell it out.

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Follow the rules for online dating that straight people endorse: get to know someone, be slow to trust them, meet informally and publicly at the beginning, etc. Use the resources dedicated to online dating for gay Boomers/Seniors: There are a number of reputable websites that offer advice, resources, social alternatives, and online communities for connecting with other LGBT Boomers/Seniors as those people who are interested in getting to know us better. After all, we have survived (paraphrasing Gloria Gaynor), and as time goes by, we understand how precious life is. Continue to the next page for more information---Follow Doug Haldeman on Twitter @doughaldeman and Susan Whitbourne on Twitter @swhitbo for daily updates on psychology, health, and aging.I date guys within about a 25-year range, say, 40-65, and I have observed some differences.None of them matter a whole lot, but still it’s fun to point them out. I try really hard not to slip into a mother:son dynamic.If you are reading this, you may be an older gay, lesbian, trans or bisexual person — which in our community could be anyone over 40 — and looking for love.Let me first say that if you are looking for a one-nighter, fair enough: many older queer folk are not interested in a long-term relationship (LTR), or even dating, for a number of reasons.Whatever the reason, by this stage in life, you know where to find what you need: online hookup sites (Scruff, Grindr, Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Craiglist) or the more traditional in-person, impersonal venues.If you are interested in dating, though, and the possibility of finding an LTR — either again, or for the first time — read on.This post is dedicated to Boomers/Seniors looking for relationships, and many of the recommendations that apply to heterosexuals work for us too (see below). Engage with those whose relational goals are similar.2.But for LGBT Boomers/Seniors, there are some unique considerations in the mature quest for love. Stay open: Be flexible in your “requirements." Also, be flexible in your choice of venues.Be up-front and you’ll feel better about your communications.5.Don’t despair: there is a market for everyone: So you think you are over the hill, and that no beautiful person will ever look at you again? It’s easy to worry about that (see above), but don’t allow yourself to go there It will not help you achieve anything, and will erode your self-esteem. Attend community groups where the participation of older LGBT people is valued; if you go out, visit bars/clubs/coffehouses that have mixed-age clientelte. There are good resources available for meeting people form all over the world who admire us older folk: Silverdaddies and Caffmoscommunity are a couple of reputable sites.6.

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